Dept. of Total Crap: Lay's Natural Chips
I like potato chips. They’re unhealthy, totally déclassé and delicious.
Last night, after a particularly strenuous afternoon meeting, I decided to unwind with some Jack Daniels, the recently released Jackass II
, and a bag of chips. Having secured beverage and DVD, I stopped at White Hen to find the chip selection very limited. Spotting a bag of Lay’s designated as “thick cut,” I went for it.
My sweet lord, what a terrible snack!
I don’t know how they do it, but the folks at Frito Lay have managed to engineer a fried potato product that tastes exactly like a baked potato product: flat, dry and with none of the salty grease I long for in a chip. I neglected to notice that these chips were billed as “country bbq,” which apparently means reddish color and sweetish taste. The cliché with chips is that you “can’t eat just one,” but with these, I was emotionally prepared to eat the whole bag but could hardly force down a fistful.
The bag broadcasts the word “natural” about ten times, which is true to the extent that the chips apparently contain no petroleum products, but over this bastard concoction hangs the stench of the lab.
Thank goodness, Jack and Jackasses delivered some enjoyment or the night would have been ruined.
David “I CAN stop eating ‘em” Hammond