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Kona Punch flavored Powerbar energy gel. "Enjoyed" at mile 18 of a 22 mile training run this morning. Even in my calorie-depleted state, this was horrendous. I can't imagine what it would have tasted like under normal circumstances!

Gyros at Droopy Dogs in Winthrop Harbor. Undercooked, gummy and spongy. They remade them for me, but they should never have let that first batch out (and both servings took an inordinate amount of time). Fries were pretty dang good.

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What is patriotism, but the love of good things we ate in our childhood?
-- Lin Yutang

Went to Uncle Julio's Hacienda for Cinco de Mayo. The salsa there is terrible - no flavor, tastes like 'tomato sauce' according to my wife. Chips are nice and light thin crispy, though.

But the shrimp quesadillas and cheese and chicken enchiladas were also terrible. So boring, tasteless.

We asked the waiter for hot sauce but never got it. Bland mexican food is very depressing.

Sadly, it was a small greek salad at Cozy Corner in Oak Park. "Sadly," because this looks like an archetypal version of the old style diner/coffee shop/luncheonette that I get sentimental about. Teal colored booths and signage. A host/hostess at the register carrying on family business on the phone while seating people and ringing up checks without missing a beat. Cook visible through the large pass-through keeping an eye on the room. Giant laminated menu. The works.

With Evanston's Sherman Snack Shop and Cambridge House gone, I'm always on the look-out looking for remaining examples of the species.

All the omens looked positive, and the greek salad has always been a staple of such places. And, need I say, a greek salad that isn't shy about the anchovies. But back to "sadly": The tomatoes were harder, paler, and mealier than even a random selection from a supermarket would net you. I mean just inexcusable. But worst of all was undrained lettuce, causing the entire salad to be virtually floating in water, like a kind of soup. Then there was the incredibly meagre "side" of fries for $2.75. And, the final indignity, the waitress/hostess came by and asked if I was still using my ketchup, or could she take it for another table. Now, with only a small handful of occupied tables in mid-afternoon, how could they possibly not have enough ketchup bottles to go around?

Still, I'd go back and give them a shot at a Reuben, Monte Cristo, or patty melt before writing them off. That's how much I want there to be such places.

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"Strange how potent cheap music is."

The seafood at the Sunday brunch buffet at King's Wharf in the Marriott Lincolnshire.
Gritty oysters, peel-and-eat shrimp a couple of days past their prime, and the driest whitefish I have ever come across.
If you're going to have a restaurant with a nautical theme, can't you do a little bit better than this?

(I was there for a friends-and-family event paid for by someone else, so at least the loss was only gustatory.)

Man that's sad. My little ones have piano lessons right next door and this is just the kind of place that I so desperately want to like.
It's like falling head over heels in love with someone with bad breath - it almost to disappointing to take because all you can think of is how damn close to perfect they are.

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The cake is a lie

I've been going to Cozy Corner for probably thirty years or so, since my parents live about 3 blocks from there. It's been at least 20 years since I ordered a non-breakfast item.

Even the breakfast menu never manages to be anything special, but it's about what you'd expect for a non-descript diner.

A supermarket apple. It tasted like mealy water.

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http://eatpizzeriavalentino.com
http://valentinopasta.com

So funny you'd equate the salsa at Uncle Julios to "tomato sauce"....I have ALWAYS said it reminds me of the sauce on Shakey's Pizza (the original recipe from years ago growing up in LA)....I actually love it for the memories...but yes, I can see why others not similarly sentimental would hate it! Nothing remotely Mexican about it!

Have you had these guys? They tossed us a few packs during Tough Mudder, they were pretty good.

http://www.sharkiesinc.com/Store_Catego ... 07FG99hD9D

I like to think I'm fairly knowledgable about performance nutrition stuff, and I've never even heard of those! Any idea if they're sold in any local stores? I'd be willing to give them a try.

Chicken wings and legs from the take out at Superama in the Plaza e las Americas here in Morelia. Dry, with a terrible marinade, we wound up giving half of it to the dogs. They liked it.

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trpt2345

The effluvia they call food at the American Airlines Admirals Club. They've branded their food service "Amora" which, in Italian, means "inedible." Well, at least there's free booze.

There was a Shakey's Pizza in Rockford where I grew up, and I went there frequently. I do remember that it had some kind of distinctive flavor - oily and salty in a certain way that even now, 30 years later, i remember.

And now I see that there are NONE in Illinois anymore, but oddly, three in Mexico!

The Admirals Club reminds me of the terrible sandwich I recently had on an AA flight from SNA. Some sort of brisket by a famous chef, that was absolutely god awful. Cold brisket with a huge, rubbery piece of fat attached. All of which took on a slimy texture in the plastic wrap. Not enough time to grab something to take on the plane. The Admirals Club told us the flight was running late, and then all of a sudden on time, and boarding. Learned a valuable lesson there.

According to the site, Sports Authority has 'em. Never thought I'd get the chance to mention Sports Authority on LTH, but here we are.

A swipe of frosting from a coworker's shower cake. Thank god I didn't have an actual piece of cake. I would be surprised if there was anything in it besides shortening and sugar, and so much sugar that one shell off the border made my teeth ache. I'm dying to know where this came from so I can not order from there in the future.

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I want to have a good body, but not as much as I want dessert. ~ Jason Love
There is no pie in Nighthawks, which is why it's such a desolate image. ~ Happy Stomach
I can't go to Hollywood. I got biscuits to make. ~ Dwight Henry

Late-Nite Eats Database

"Pad Thai" with chicken and tofu from Happy Chef.

Don't ask why we ordered it. If you must know - their Ameri-Chinese stuff showed decent promise when we ordered from there the first time, so we figured we would TRY something from the Thai section of the menu.

It was pretty much what I would expect from an Upper Wisconsin mall food court Chinese booth that has two "Thai Dishes" on the menu for the adventurous people. Bright red/orange with a sickeningly sweet flavor that I know I could recreate by mixing ketchup with sweet and sour packets. They somehow, some way, got the chicken to taste like a winter breeze aka "plain air" which I am still in awe of. I mean, it tasted like NOTHING. The lime wedges and crushed peanuts were pretty good. The Ameri-Chinese stuff we had, was still decent.

http://www.happychefnow.com/

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We cannot be friends if you do not know the difference between Mayo and Miracle Whip.

As soon as I saw that first line I thought "Oh God, not the one on Harlem!"

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The cake is a lie

I'm not saying I'm proud of ordering that, but we thought maybe, just maybe, it could be serviceable. It really wasn't worth a try, but, I can at least say I've provided a valuable piece of info for others. We were choosing between 5 Guys (never been) and the second trial of Happy Chef. Figured we'd throw them a bone after recalling our first order from Happy Chef for standard Ameri-Chinese went ok.

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We cannot be friends if you do not know the difference between Mayo and Miracle Whip.

Well I have to admit the only reason I know better is because of an unsuccessful stop with my daughter.

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The cake is a lie

A godawful Wendy's chicken sandwich that I fell for on a road trip to Ann Arbor. Somehow it looked good on the sign, probably because I'm a sucker for avocado and it had some vaguely Mexican name. I'm glad to see that it doesn't show up on their web page, so maybe I'm not the only one who found it the worst 800 calories she ever ate.

The other day, while feeding a craving for a Nhu Lan sugarcane shrimp sandwich, I spotted a box of strawberry-filled cakes. Being a sucker for candy coloring, and as they were only $2-something (it can't lose!) I bought them. Friends, I cannot describe the flavor and texture, aside from it being strongly reminiscent of eating a cake of perfume...after it had passed through some poor animal's digestive tract. I believe they were called "Fudo," and I beg of you to avoid them at all costs.

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As a mattra-fact, Pie Face, you are beginning to look almost human. - Barbara Bennett

Tried the new Clarke's that opened recently in Hyde Park. (I know, what was I expecting? Well, at least serviceable.)

Never frequented the northside locale, so didn't really have any preconceptions. I guess I expected something like basic diner/coffee shop comfort food. The big, tri-fold, laminated menu aided and abetted a conspiracy fronted by the rotating vertical pie display in front to lead me on in this regard.

To lead off with the least bad first: Everyone there was very nice and service from menu drop, to follow-up visits, to water refills and busing was friendly and attentive.
And my son liked his chicken tenders.

Decided to try the elk burger, which, consistent with being the single healthiest red meat on the planet (or some similar claim on the menu) was also dry and flavorless. And, strangely, took about 20+ min. to emerge from the kitchen on a light evening.
"Greek" fries, which promised to at least emulate or aspire to those from Athenian Room, were heavy, greasy, sprinkled with feta and herbs, yet without any real flavor or any promised lemon-oregano zing. Gut bomb.

We saved the worst for last. I tried the coconut cream pie.
I thought: Diner. Pie. Cream pie. At worst something cold, sweet, a bit goopy, but even a straight commercial pie can be OK. Not looking for fresh-picked berries in creme anglaise here. Just custard filling, crust, shredded coconut.

OMG.

The custard filling had no coconut flavor of any kind, not even artificial. It had a kind of non-specific chemical tang that reminded me of those household poisons that occasionally attract and kill children because of their "lemon" scent. This was larded with shreds of something that might well have been some sort of packing material.
The whole thing was encased in an artificial whipped topping which can only have come out of a tuck-pointing or roofing product in a drum purchased at Home Depot.
They mis-cut my slice, my friendly server explained, so they gave me an extra half slice to make up for it. Lucky me.

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"Strange how potent cheap music is."

Mama Lucia's frozen meatballs found at Jewel. A friend was testing out a new meatball sauce recipe and used these. They were so spongy that I was sure they were made of snouts.

The "meatloaf" at Omega in Niles. Meatloaf is ground beef, an egg, and breadcrumbs. What I got had no texture of ground meat; it was more like pureed meat product that was pressed into a roundish loaf. It looked a lot like what you'd slide out of a dog food can and it didn't taste any better. It reminded me a lot of Mama Lucia's. I don't understand why a simple, quick, cheap thing like meatloaf had to be purchased from a factory, but it was clear that's what it was.

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I want to have a good body, but not as much as I want dessert. ~ Jason Love
There is no pie in Nighthawks, which is why it's such a desolate image. ~ Happy Stomach
I can't go to Hollywood. I got biscuits to make. ~ Dwight Henry

Late-Nite Eats Database

After seeing City Provisions on Chicago's Best I decided to give it a try this Saturday on my way home from the dog beach.

Everything we had was awful.

My girlfriend had the CP Italian, she said some of the meat was good and some was bland and had no taste. They put gouda on it which is all wrong for an italian sub. She ended up giving half the meat to the dogs and throwing away most of the sandwich.

I had the tuna wrap. The tuna actually would've been good if it wasn't completely oversaturated with salt. Way too salty which sucked because it had really good flavor. But, $10.95 for a friggen tuna wrap???? If there's a bigger rip off in the city I haven't seen it.

Also got a side of cole slaw, or should I say, a side of vinigar.


The house made chips were good, I'll give them credit for that.


OVerall, food was awful, chef either doesn't taste his food before serving it or he has no taste buds because the level of salt in the tuna and the level of vinigar in the cole slaw should've never made it past a simple taste test.

And the price of the sandwiches was ridiculous.

She literally threw the sandwich to the dogs because it had the wrong cheese on it? Tough crowd.

no, she gave half the meat to the dogs because it wasn't good, she gave them some of the cheese too.

All she ate was a few slices of the meat that she deemed edible.

So glad you did the legwork on these. Last time I was at Nhu Lan, I sat down to wait for my sandwich and the boxes were at eye level. They looked so pretty! I felt a twinge of nostalgia because I used to be obsessed with Little Debbie Swiss Rolls in high school, and I'm a sucker for roll-shaped confections in general. I almost got a box, but the thought of being stuck with them if they were gross stopped me. Dodged a bullet, I suppose...

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"If this sauce was a person, I'd get naked and make love to it." - Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls